I received a great article today from L.A.-based actress Puja M. that I wanted to pass on to you:
Posts Tagged ‘confidence’
Why Some People Seem To Have All The Luck
Monday, May 17th, 2010Great Feedback on Empowerment
Monday, March 22nd, 2010I received a great success story today from L.A.-based actress Caroline W. that I wanted to pass on to you:
“So, I recently went to USC for an audition, spent hours preparing and driving and parking, only to find the filmmakers had a “snafu” and simply weren’t there, hadn’t left a note, and I didn’t have their phone number.
A total waste of time.
I was furious.
I vowed to never audition for USC again, or even go to their campus.
But, I WOULD still like to do a USC Film.
So that kind of leaves me between a rock and a hard place…
I had already submitted on some USC projects prior to my vow, so I got a call for another audition at USC. It looked good, but I knew I was still bitter about getting stood up, and would not be able to go to USC again without having a chip on my shoulder, (an attitude very unlikely to book anything).
So I called the filmmaker back, and basically said, as charmingly, professionally, and confidently as I could:
Hi [filmmaker],
I’m calling you back regarding [film], and am very interested in your project.
I get asked to audition for USC often, and basically, I’ve learned though doing many student films over the years, that the way I work best is, rather than auditioning–where I don’t get the chance to learn anything about you, your vision, or your approach–I meet with filmmakers (near the Hollywood area), and we get to know each other and talk a bit, (anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour, depending on both of us) and see if we are on the same page as far as your vision, and how I could see myself interpreting the character.
I understand this takes a bit of extra time, but I find that it can really pay off.
Take a second look at my website and my reel if you’d like, and if you feel I am a good fit, and it would be worth us meeting together, then great. You can even have auditions first, and if you don’t find someone really perfect and amazing, THEN we can meet.
The filmmaker seemed surprised, but impressed. I’d already made an impression before walking in the door!
I looked at the sticky on my desk that said: “Replace auditions with meetings and offers.”
I’d been staring at it for a few weeks and just letting the idea seep into my brain. (Getting stood up was a blessing in disguise!)
I felt so empowered. I felt kind of like a movie star who doesn’t have to audition. They just “take meetings.”
Their work speaks for itself, and I believe mine does as well — but NOW, I am actually BEHAVING as if my work speaks for itself, not just having the thought privately. I’m saving myself a ton of time (and frustration and gas and heartache)!”
Overcome Your Inner Critic – Part Two
Monday, March 22nd, 2010Who’s Speaking Here?
Before you can regain control over your Shadow, you must be able to distinguish its voice from your own. The next time you feel stuck, scared or discouraged, thinking about all the reasons why you won’t make it, you’ll know your Shadow’s up to its old tricks. Your Shadow’s voice never reflects your highest good. It never speaks to the creative, committed, charming and gifted person you really are. Your Shadow speaks to your fears, your insecurities, and your past mistakes to keep you stuck in the same old rut, which according to your Shadow is a safer place to be than out in the world turning your dreams into reality.
Your Shadow thinks it can predict the future. It knows with absolute certainty that only horrible things will result from you making that scary phone call or crashing that audition. Your Shadow also knows what other people are thinking. It reminds you that others think you’re just a user when you ask for their advice or insight.
Your Shadow hopes for the worst and prepares for disaster. It believes that any one action you take will determine the demise of your career as a whole. Your Shadow is quite the drama queen, believing in black lists, ruined reputations, and curses.
Your Shadow believes in limitation. It knows that if you believe it too, you will never reach your fullest potential, so your Shadow often reminds you that you can’t do stuff, you’re not good enough, you’re not ready, you’re unlucky, or you don’t know enough yet.
Your Shadow creates anxiety by reminding you of all the shoulds, musts, and have-to-dos in your life. When you operate according to what you should do rather than what you could do, you lose the power to choose for yourself. That’s just how your Shadow likes it!
Your Shadow thrives on guilt. It will work overtime to make you feel inadequate, selfish, afraid or guilty. It loves to hold a grudge and use your past actions against you. By focusing on the past, you have no room for the future, which according to your Shadow is the perfect place to be.
Your Shadow is a law-abiding citizen. It lives according to general rules and regulations while completely ignoring your true desires. Your Shadow never rocks the boat. It never sticks up for you and always defers to the wants of others.
Do not fall victim to your Shadow’s tricks. Know that your true voice only supports and encourages you. Your highest self believes anything is possible for you and champions you as you boldly take action toward the life you desire. All those other thoughts come from your Shadow. They’re not yours and you don’t have to buy into them.
All in all, your Shadow is fear itself. When fear runs the show, you have no options and your Shadow knows it. Your job is to regain the power by stopping the Shadow’s conversation. Once you do that, you’re back in the driver’s seat and you can move through any fear in order to accomplish anything.
Five Steps to Keep You Moving
Step One:
Stop your Shadow’s crazy talk and ask yourself, “Who’s speaking here?” If the conversation does not reflect your highest good, it’s just your Shadow talking.
Step Two:
Let it plead its case. Remember, your Shadow is designed to protect you, so go ahead and hear what on earth might be dangerous.
Step Three:
Ask yourself, “How dangerous does that really feel? How likely is that to really happen?”
Step Four:
Ask yourself, “What positive possibility is more likely than this fear? What’s on the other side of this fear?”
Step Five:
Determine which one you will choose. Will you choose the fear or will you choose the incredible opportunities on the other side of it?
Remember, you win at Shadow Boxing every time you refuse to let your Shadow stop you from taking action. The goal here is not to disprove your Shadow’s theories or to destroy your Shadow all together. Instead, it’s just about staying energized; movin’ and groovin’ toward the success that surely awaits you.
You must be willing to take risks, face your fears and grow if you’re ever going to realize your Tao. If your actions are inspired and connected to your purpose, you don’t ever have to wonder if your decisions are correct. You never have to doubt yourself or let your Shadow get the best of you. What’s the worst that will happen if you do those things that scare you? You’ll survive. You’ll learn from experience and keep going. Now, go work your declaration mojo!
Overcome Your Inner Critic Part One
Monday, March 15th, 2010
You’ve got a little buddy following you around who can cause a lot of trouble if you’re not careful. It’s your Shadow. You know, that long dark shape that follows you everywhere, looks a lot like you, but isn’t you exactly. It’s that thing that never leaves your side and you know it’s there, but you can’t ever touch it. It’s your Shadow, and between you and me, it can be a real jerk sometimes.
Your Shadow is your constant companion and it’s a sly bugger who, if you’re not careful, will become your worst enemy. This Shadow often reminds you that you’re never good enough, you don’t know enough, you’re too fat or too tall or too dumb to ever accomplish anything you want. Your Shadow tells you that you don’t deserve to be happy, that other people have it easy, and that you’ll never change so why bother trying. Your Shadow is also a master of subtlety. It’s been with you so long that it doesn’t have to yell and scream in order to get its negative and degrading message across. Instead, it speaks with a small inner voice that in a simple whisper can stop you cold, create paralyzing fear, and make you feel like a big loser. Like I said, your Shadow is a real piece of work!
Though this Shadow sure looks a lot like you and feels a lot like you, this creature is not you at all! In fact, it’s just a tool you created a long time ago in order to survive disappointment, rejection, danger, and disaster. The two of you have just been hanging around together for so long that you can no longer distinguish who you are from what the Shadow represents. Your Shadow loves to be in charge. When you can’t tell the difference between you and it, your Shadow wins and you have no control over your career or your life.
I first met my Shadow when I was in the third grade spelling bee. It was round one; the easy, freebie round where students could practice speaking into a microphone and feel comfortable in front of an audience. Standing in front of the entire student body, I very confidently spelled the word soap, “S-O-U-P,” walked back to my seat and smiled to the adoring crowd. Mr. Smith, the principal, then informed me that I misspelled the word and instructed me to leave the stage. I proceeded to walk back up to microphone and enter into a debate with him about how I clearly knew how to spell such an easy word and that he surely had it all wrong. What, did he not hear me correctly? Was he not paying attention? The mistake was his, not mine. Within moments, I realized what I had done and ran out of the gymnasium filled with laughing kids– embarrassed and ashamed.
At the age of ten, I learned that speaking in front of groups was a horrible idea and to never be too confident, because I just might make a fool of myself. And so my Shadow was born. I created this tool and gave it a very specific job. My Shadow was to do or say whatever it needed to in order to protect me from being embarrassed like that again.
As I grew up, so did my Shadow. With every scary experience, embarrassment and disappointment, my Shadow’s job grew. I learned to be careful, to be cautious, to protect my heart and my ideas. My Shadow learned about the importance of keeping me safe, so this little sucker worked really hard for many years to protect me. It insulted me; it warned me of every imaginable catastrophe that might occur if I ever tried to put myself out there. My Shadow did a bang up job of protecting me, but it also prevented me from taking bold steps toward achieving my fullest potential.
You’ve also got a Shadow that you created years ago to protect yourself from disappointments and rejections. Though it’s not too important to identify when your Shadow first appeared, think for a moment about one or two specific experiences when your Shadow may have first showed its face. When you revisit that experience, you might find that your Shadow was created out of necessity. It’s just a coping tool or defense mechanism created by and for you. When you can pinpoint where your Shadow came from and realize its true purpose, you can begin to meet this voice with a discerning ear and view yourself with a little more compassion.
It’s a bit ironic that while your Shadow’s job is to protect you from being hurt, all it does is reinforce those fears you may already have. It insults you and scares you about what terrible things might be in store for you. Your Shadow is forced to resort to these drastic measures because you’re getting smarter and more willing to make bold moves, which is a very dangerous thing for your Shadow. Remember that you gave your Shadow a job and it will do whatever it takes to perform its duties like a pro, even if it means hurting you in the process.
Though it may not always feel like it, your Shadow is actually your friend, and when used appropriately, can really come in handy. Your Shadow’s an over achiever though, which can create all sorts of problems when you attempt to reach new goals, meet new people, try new things, or stretch your boundaries and really go for it.
You see, your Shadow can’t tell the difference between real danger and perceived threat. It’s all the same to your Shadow. So your Shadow will “protect” you from things that might actually benefit you like working to make it as an actor. For your Shadow, calling a friend to ask for acting advice is just as dangerous as jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Everything is dangerous to your Shadow, so it will whisper warnings in the form of insults or insecurities in order to prevent you from taking action. This doesn’t really work when you’re trying to create the career of your dreams, now does it?
So why not just knock your Shadow out with a one, two punch? Then you won’t have to deal with all that negative talk that goes on inside your head, right? Then you’d be free to take risks, work hard, and finally get somewhere, right? Wrong. Your Shadow is not actually real. You can’t punch it. You could try, but you’ll just wear yourself out. Your Shadow actually serves a valuable purpose. You created this tool to help you survive in a sometimes-scary world. But somewhere along the way, you took a back seat to your Shadow and lost the right to control your own journey. The real trick to dealing with your Shadow is to reclaim control and cooperate with it rather than fight it. Use your Shadow as a trusted advisor, but don’t let it call the shots.
Four Tips to Master the Telephone
Wednesday, February 17th, 2010
A few weeks ago, I published an article about marketing to producers. Boy, did I get a lot of questions about this topic. The biggest question, by far, focused on how to effectively make phone calls. Whether you’re calling producers, casting directors, agents, or even friends, the phone can sometimes be an intimidating monster.
Let’s admit it, scary phone calls are never easy, but they are necessary if you want to elevate your career. So, this week I’d like to offer up four quick tips for conquering the telephone.
Be Clear
It’s essential that you know precisely WHY you are calling before you pick up the phone. You must convey your request in a clear way. Doing so allows whoever you’re calling to more easily help you because now they’ll actually know what the heck you really want.
Be sure to ask the real question. The real question cuts right to the chase. It may feel a little bold, but it’ll more than likely get you the answers you’re seeking. The real question may be: “Can we set up a meeting?” “Would you like to represent me?” or “How can I cultivate a relationship with you?”
If you’re calling to set up a meeting with a producer, ask for it. You might say something like this:
Hi, I’m Joe smith. I’m an actor committed to expanding my feature film career. I’m calling to set up a 10 minute meeting with (insert producer’s name) to find out what you’re currently working on and how we might collaborate.
If you’re calling a casting office, simply request an audition. You may say something like this:
Hi, this is Jane Johnson. I think I’m perfect for the role of (insert role here). What can I do to get an audition?
Be Confident
Don’t apologize. Whatever you do, don’t start your call with, “Sorry to bother you, but…” As terrified as you may feel on the phone, rest assured, you are not bothering anyone by calling. In fact, what you’re doing is providing them with the unique opportunity to meet you or work with you. By the way, last time I checked, you’re pretty talented and easy to work with.
Phone fear often exists because the results you get are immediate. When you make a call, you’re forced to accept whatever answer appears on the other end of the line. So, expect some people to say no and be cool with that.
Jessica, an actress and singer, challenged herself to make a scary phone call every day for a month. She called casting directors and producers to request auditions or meetings. By the end of 30 calls, Jessica landed three auditions and two producer meetings. She was thrilled. Sure, Jessica generated five fantastic opportunities through phone calls. But she also dealt with twenty-five noes in the process. Part of getting a yes involves accepting some noes along the way.
Before you make a phone call, give yourself a pep talk. Make a list of all the benefits you bring to the table. Take a deep breath and dial.
Be Concise
It’s easy to over explain or provide too much information when your adrenaline is pumping. Write a short script or identify the bullet points you want to address on the call. This script will help you convey your request in a simple way and allow the recipient of your request to easily understand how they can help you.
Remember, a confused mind says no. Beware of information overload. You do not have to provide details about your background, your motivation to call, or your skill set. Just quickly and simply ask for what you want and leave it at that.
Consider this easy phone call formula.
1. Who are you?
2. Who are you calling?
3. What do you want?
“This is Jane Jones calling for Susan Smith. I’m an actor & I’d like to schedule a meeting to discuss representation.”
When All Else Fails… Be Oprah!
When I’m faced with a scary phone call that really makes me nervous, I put on my Oprah persona. In my mind, Oprah Winfrey is the perfect caller. She’s professional, confident, and articulate. Who wouldn’t want to receive a call from the mighty O?
Who is your ideal phone caller? Is it Katie Couric, George Clooney, Donald Trump, or even President Obama? If you could hire anyone in the world to make calls on your behalf, who would it be?
With that person in mind, step into their shoes. Adopt their phone prowess while you develop your own confidence with the telephone. Now, you’ve infused some playful energy into what might otherwise be a terrifying experience.
PS: In my humble professional opinion, phone calls are the most effective marketing tool at your disposal. You’re paying for the minutes, so use ‘em wisely.
Here’s to many fruitful phone calls!
